Fighting Fear
What is fear.. Is it for real or just imaginary and exists at the back of mind.. We all know that fear is an emotion.. A deadly and dangerous emotion that can make anyone's life miserable. It can take various forms.. But the fear of losing someone very close, fear of death ranks the top..
It is a natural emotion but can cause a great threat and harm if not dealt.. Almost everyone faces fear at some point of time in their lives..
I had a close brush with fear this April 2021 after my father's death.
I am putting my personal experience in the form of a story.. Like all the stories it does have a moral.. How this one fear changed my life forever.. The existence of fairies in the form of humans..for fairies are real.
The death of my loving father was very unexpected.. I had always thought my father would beat the deadly virus and emerge as a winner..But destiny had different plans this time .The second wave of corona was in full swing.. My father had been sick in February and doctors doubted that he might have cancer.. But all tests turned out negative..I always had this fear of losing my parents.. I think it's natural for us all, as we love our parents so much.
I have always believed in horoscopes since my childhood days. Little did I know that one day I would fall prey to them and they would turn my life hell. I had read earlier this year in the newspaper, my annual horoscope and it had predictions about the death of someone close and elderly in the family.. Somehow this prediction had a deep impact on me.. It had pricked me hard and I was not able to get over it.. I discussed this with my mom and all she had said was that millions of people fall under the same sun sign and it's not your personal horoscope. They had just made general predictions. She had never ever paid heed to horoscopes.. She never cared..This was one thing..
Repeatedly I had been getting dreams of crows screaming, dying, dead rats and what not.. I would just get up and be upset… My father had already been sick in February.. One thing followed the other.. I have heard a saying, "Coming events cast their shadows before".It all seemed true. Things were happening one after the other. There were signs.. The lights of our house had started twitching.. Few days before my father's death, while lighting the diya(earthen lamp) in the temple, the oil bottle just slipped off my hands and the oil spilled on the floor.
My father was diagnosed with corona this April.. He had a fever but his condition had been stable for a week.. But suddenly after a week his condition started deteriorating. His oxygen levels went down drastically.. We took him to the hospital.
The scene at the hospital was more terrifying than what I had experienced in life.. People were
gasping for breath.. In a span of two hours.. I had seen people dying, begging for oxygen, crying for hospital admissions.. The situation was pathetic. Less said, the better.
My father was in hospital for a few days and I would just go to the hospital everyday, stand down and inquire about his health and come back, as the hospital authorities would not let me meet.. Only the phone calls were a little relief. Somewhere inside, I had this feeling that he wouldn't be able to make it this time. After struggling hard, his body had no strength to fight the virus and he gave up.
It was lock down in thecity… No one by our side..The body was taken straight from the hospital to be cremated.. We were a happy family of seven.. And now only six. This was the first time I had witnessed the death of my own family member.. The pain was hard to bear.. I was shattered.. I could not eat and sleep.
The forty days after the death of my father was a period of emotional turmoil, complete transformation.
With brave hearts and the strength God gave us to fight the pain we performed my father's last rites..
Now the real fear had started to creep in.. I was worried for my mom initially..What if she contracts the virus.. My father and she too were vaccinated in March this year.. I can't afford to lose her..The death of my father has given me so much pain already. Then my brother had severe corona too.. He was down with a high fever.His fever would not go even after days of treatment. He was weak. I prayed for his health.. One by one I had started feeling anxious about all the family members. My son's future was at stake.. He too contracted the virus.. He was preparing for 12 th boards. Even if the boards would have taken place.. My son would still not be able to write the exams..I just prayed hard for his good health.
I had no strength.. I felt weak.. I started having panic attacks
Everything seemed to be falling apart.
The news channels, newspapers would only add to one's misery. There was news of virus spreading,third wave, shortage of oxygen cylinders, people not getting admissions in hospitals, deaths..
But life has to move on.. Few days after his death I was searching for my father's official documents in his cupboard.. Out of a sudden his horoscope fell on my head.. I just sat and started going through it but could hardly make out anything from the charts. They were like an unsolved puzzle.
Being a true believer in horoscopes, now I wanted to read about all my family members' horoscopes.. I took out my son's horoscope. There were a few things in his horoscope which scared me.. I would not reveal them but they really took a toll on me. I love my son the most.. Of course being a mother, for me my son meant a whole world..
Little knowledge is dangerous..
I started reading about astrology like a mad person day and night..I tried to find a solution for one thing but would land up with ten more problems to trouble me..
I had turned my life hell.. I did not have even a moment of peace. I did not sleep. I would suddenly get up and cry inconsolably.. My mother started worrying about me. I was lost in myself, depressed and did not want to live.. I would shout and scream. There were no solutions, only agony and fear..
My brother fixed an appointment with a psychologist online as he too thought I needed professional help. The psychologist prescribed medicines for sleep and stress.. But what about my fears and pain.. They were still there standing like ghosts, giving me shivers and chills.
I had lost all hopes.. Then as we say there is a silver lining to every cloud.. My mother remembered a colleague at school who had learnt astrology and was a spiritual healer. My mom requested her to talk to me.. She was kind and immediately came to my rescue.. The moment I started to talk to her, all my fears started to vanish like magic.. Her soft and comforting voice gave me much peace and relaxed my wandering soul. It was sheer magic.. What my family members, my mom,psychologist could not do, she did it in minutes.. My real fairy godmother Ms Ushakiran Girdhar.. Yes..that's her name. Fairies exist as I had met mine in her . And I shall be indebted to her all my life for all that she did for me.
She had said a few things which I could not forget and would like to share..
There are nine planets in one' s horoscope that may define a person's characteristics and can convey predictions about one's health, life, career.. But do remember.. There is a tenth planet which one does not find in any horoscope and that's us.. We, being the 10th planet do have the strength to fight all the odds. So if we're firm.. As long as we have the strength inside us to fight all the odds.. These nine planets can do no harm.
Next I shall talk about karmas.. It's our karmas that decide our destiny. She told me a story of a man who lost his way amidst forest while traveling and took shelter at a temple he had found to spend the night.
He showed his palm to the priest and asked about his future.. The priest looked at his palm and said, I shall give my predictions next morning and went to sleep. The man became anxious and did not sleep and eagerly waited for the morning , as the priest would tell about his fate.. In the meantime he cleaned the area surrounding the temple, backyard, watered plants, fed the cows in the shed. ..to pass his time. Early in the morning when the priest came to see him, he was amused to see him alive.. He had then said to the man, as far as my predictions goes, you would have been dead yesterday night in sleep itself.. That's why I did not disclose your destiny. But look , you are alive.. The man said, I was so anxious about my fate that I could hardly sleep.. So I just cleaned the temple premises, sat at the God's idol feet and prayed.. So the man's karma saved him from the clutches of death.
Our thoughts and actions play a big role in deciding our fate...My fairy godmother not only removed all the fears but had also given me a mantra for a happy and peaceful life.. One should always have faith in God.. as Faith can move mountains.. When in doubt surrender to God and pray.. Do good deeds.. Serve the poor and needy as and whenever one can. Be kind to animals and birds.. When one does good deeds,it automatically gives one pleasure and gives a break for all the fears to set in. My fairy godmother gave me the courage to face my fears. She helped me find my inner potential and strengths. She has been a guiding force in this journey of life ever since.. I never knew I could write.She discovered the writer in me and here with her blessings a writer in me was born. My website www.muktakapur.com is the result of her blessings and is a tribute to my late father Mr. Huteshwar Kapur.
I was anxious about my son' s fate and asked her about him.. All she said was visit goshala( cow shed) near house and feed the cows.. I did just as she had said.. And I was surprised.. Like magic... . Here I had been worrying about his career and college.. It was God's own way of showering blessings.. My son had secured admission in one of the best law colleges in Scotland within a span of a few days..
Moral of the story: life and death are not in our hands.. Death shall come to all...Even the best astrologers' predictions fail when the Almighty's showers one with His blessings . Have faith and surrender to HIM when in doubt. Do good deeds as they go a long way and have the power to overcome unpleasant situations. We are what our thoughts make us. So always try to have a positive attitude towards life.. Be strong and never underestimate one's own inner strengths. What goes round comes around.
Do not stop communications when one undergoes fear.. Talking helps.. Talk with ones who are close to you.. There is a solution for every problem. Fears are awful emotions and time and again shall show up their presence but have faith that fears are temporary.. Do not stop living life.. Where there is despair, there is hope.
Never let the fear inside one win.. Realize one's strengths.. And just see the miracles happen.
writing this post was hard as I underwent the same pain and emotions once again. But now I do have the courage to overcome it as I have the strength inside me to fight . If I could change any one person's life for the better through this post, I shall feel blessed.
