Updated: Feb 3
Oh my God! My bag is so heavy. What is inside the bag that makes it so heavy to carry?
It's filled with anger, hatred, jealousy, grudges… blah blah, and whatnot. And the bag grew heavier with each passing year. And one day I realized that I could no longer bear its burden. I asked myself, " Why am I carrying this bag, and what good it has done to me all these years. I had no answer. I felt foolish. There’s a well-known saying in Hindi which my father used to say a lot" Naalayak ka Basta bhari";( only fools carry heavy baggage).
And I felt like one. Haha...
What was the need to clutter my mind
I felt so stupid. Why should such negative emotions bother us? Why do we make them our prestige issue? I started thinking about all such things.
Remember when we were young or just look at a small child. It’s so easy to please them. A little candy does wonders and the very next moment they forget that a little while ago they had been unhappy. A child's heart is so pure. Why can’t we be like them? In the process of growing up, we lose our innocence. Harboring negative thoughts and emotions highlights our own insecurities. It only causes pain and misery rather than doing anything productive. In the process, we lose some of our finest relations.
To forgive and forget is the best policy. But the devil inside us won't let us follow the simple rule.
No matter how much hard we try to ignore but some way or the other it finds a way.
I still remember an incident.
It was my first cousin's engagement ceremony. My younger brother had recently got married. My sister-in-law was a new member of the family. As this was her first formal function after her own wedding, she made sure that she looked at her best. And why not… all eyes would be on her. My brother is a very handsome and good-looking guy. So, to match his personality she dressed in the best attire and jewelry. She looked charming. One could easily notice a glow on the new bride's face. There is a 5-year age difference between me and my sister-in-law.
Being the only girl from my mother’s side, everyone loved me very much. I had always been apple of their eye. My maternal grandmother loved me more than all my brothers. And now everyone was paying attention to my sister-in-law. Everyone complimented her. I felt a little jealous. All these years the same relatives have pampered me so much. But today it was something different. During the mehndi(henna) ceremony I and my sister-in-law sat down together to get our hands painted. The designs looked equally good on each of our hands but my dear aunt complimented on my sister-in-law’s henna and said her hands looked more beautiful and brighter than mine. My eyes were green with envy. She was my dearest aunt. She occupies a very special place in my heart. She had always been there in my sad moments but somehow the remark irked me. I forgot all the love and goodness she has showered on me all these years. She had always been there for me. I was like a daughter to her and I considered her next to my mother. I knew that she didn't do this intentionally as she is very pure at heart and a kind soul. I am her dearest gudia(doll) and why would she do something to offend me. I carried this grudge inside me for years. I knew I was being unreasonable.
At the same time, I was upset with my sister-in-law for no fault of hers. I didn't talk to her for so many days after the incident. She had always been nice and caring but the devil inside me won't let me forget that incident. It was because of her I was not given importance. I felt very insecure even though there was no need.
Every now and then such things keep popping up. We get angry for simple reasons like friends failing to return a call, not liking our post, being more favored than us…. There are so many instances in life when our hearts are filled with anger, hatred, and negative emotions. The list is endless.
Life is too precious to be wasted on negative thoughts. Never let such thoughts and emotions dominate you. Make life simple. Shed this unwanted baggage filled with anger, hatred, jealousy, insecurities. Be like a child. Look at the world through an innocent child’s eye. And you shall notice the difference.